If you believe what you read in the Daily Mirror (which, if I did, would presumably mean that I believe that anyone who has ever played Premier League football spends their weekends on cocaine fuelled romps with busty underwear models), these two charming ex-Etonians aren’t friends anymore.
Under a headline which leaves little open to interpretation – “Boris Johnson wants David Cameron’s job” – the Mirror alleges that Bozza (if I may steal a line from the terrific Chris Addison) is little more than ‘skin stretched over ambition’.
The former Deputy Mayor of London, Ian Clement, says Boris believes he has a “divine right to rule the country”. Apparently, Clement claims, Boris has had foul-mouthed, four-letter rants about Cameron, who he believes is less talented than he is.
Clement continues, “Boris is arrogant. He thinks, ‘I’m more intelligent than Dave, I’m more popular than Dave, I’d do a better job than Dave’.” (Again, we presume he’s referring to Cameron here, and not claiming that 24 hours of Boris would be preferable to endless repeats of Top Gear and Mock the Week).
“After his many dressing-downs Boris became frustrated and would stomp about, slamming doors and going into an incoherent rant muttering words like ‘c***’ and ‘f***’ and banging his fist on the table. His frustration came from the view that he could do Dave’s job better.”
Whatever next? The future Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland muttering worlds like ‘camp’ and ‘farm’? Banging his fist on the table? WHAT SORT OF BEHAVIOUR IS THIS?