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Hyde Car Park

By January 21, 2011News

Anyone hoping for the installation of an Alton Towers-esque high speed corkscrew ride in the centre of London will have been disappointed by comments made by the Mayor this week.

Control of London’s Royal Parks is to be transferred from central government to City Hall, prompting fears that Bozza would cash in on this through excessive car park charges and non-stop fun fairs.  However, despite funding cut of up to 30 per cent, Bozza isn’t planning to install a Big Dipper in Kensington Gardens.

“We don’t want to commercialise the Royal Parks in any way. We want to work sensitively with local people so that we can make the best of them,” said Boris, gulping down a cone of chips whilst carrying a large cuddly Scooby Doo that he won on Green Park’s ‘Hook a Duck’ stall.

Bozza also outlined a Big Society approach for keeping London’s parks in order. (Incidentally, as far as we can tell at Boriswatch HQ, ‘Big Society’ seems to mean ‘people with money paying for essential things that the government previously paid for’.)

“I’m interested in what’s happening in New York, where groups of extremely affluent members of the community put a serious amount of money into their parks. We want to try to stimulate that here,” he explained, shyly avoiding coughing up any of his own significant dosh.

“We aren’t taking on these parks as some kind of crazed budget dumping exercise,” the Mayor insisted. “We believe that encouraging people to pay £10 entry to Regent’s Park for the chance to enjoy the Spongebob Squarepants Experience and eat overpriced burgers and candy floss is exactly what this land was designed for”, he didn’t add.

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