Before you start, this is not us dumbing-down Boriswatch with the sort of lewd clap-trap more generally associated with the Daily Telegraph Daily Sport.
I should perhaps explain. [Yes, that’s a very good idea before I get a call from the lawyers – Boriswatch Ed]
Mr Spunky is married to Carrier Von Reichardt, also known as the Baroness. They are part of a group of 200 specially chosen individuals who have been assigned with the task of decorating 200 fibreglass elephants which will then descend on the parks, streets and squares of the capital in May, June and July.
Elephant Parade London (I’m not making this up) is aimed at highlighting the plight of the Indian elephant, whose population has reduced to just 30,000. The elephants will be auctioned at Sotheby’s once the exhibition is over. Other world famous designers who will be decorating an elephant (not a euphemism) include Marc Wuinn, Lulu Guinness and Diane von Furstenberg (no, me neither).
Boris supports the scheme, of course, as do Stephen Fry, Joanna Lumley and Michael Palin. Naturally.
*lies down*
All this sounds highly suggestive and suspect. Is this one of those pieces when someone in the know is hinting at unheard of naughtinesses, because if so, I think you should elaborate.
Like a gentle priest, who sees all, understands it and forgives, as head of MI6, Stanley Johnson lures people into his web of intrigue for the good of the nation. But what are the motives of Boriswatch?