Prophylactics and pieds

You’d think that the Mayor of London should be a man who has some sympathy with the President of France. Both have seen their political lives sidelined by revelations about their private lives, although Francois Hollande seems to be doing a better job of keeping the journalists from his boudoir than Boris ever did.

However, when it comes to the escalating war of words between Britain and France, Boris has jumped headlong into the argument. It all started when the editor of newspaper City AM wrote a piece which branded the French economy a ‘failed Socialist experiment’. In retaliation, the French ambassador to Britain, Bernard Emie, published a ten point statement in which he highlighted recent NHS scandals in Stafford, Morecambe Bay and Colchester, saying that they illustrated the  ‘ailing’ service’s ‘widespread problems’.

Mr Emie also suggested in his statement that France was more successful with its energy policies and at executing big infrastructure projects, citing high-speed rail as an example.

Now, Boris has joined the fightback and has rebutted French claims that the country was more successful than Britain. Speaking to the Evening Standard, Mr Johnson said: “Français, françaises, vous êtes tous les bienvenus à Londres! Vous avez vote avec vos pieds!”

Translated the comment means,”Oh dear, you poor French peasants. Your President is too busy playing away with an actress to deal with your stagnating economy. And your breath smells of camembert!”

[Er, I think you’ll find the translation is : “French, French you are all welcome in London. You vote with your feet!” – Boriswatch Foreign Affairs Editor]

The intervention comes just a few days after Boris took to the airwaves to brand deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg a ‘condom’. Talking to LBC host Nick Ferrari, Bozza said: “Nick Clegg is to serve a very important ceremonial function as David Cameron’s lapdog-cum-prophylactic protection device for all the difficult things that David Cameron has to do that cheese off the rest. [Clegg] is a kind of shield. He’s a lapdog who’s been skinned and turned into a shield.”

In the same interview, Boris also described Clegg as a “wobbling jelly of indecision and vacillation”. So … he was a dog, and now he’s a condom. Or a jelly. Or a condom made of jelly? KY jelly, perhaps? [Enough now – Boriswatch Ed]